Duck Hunting
by xpiester333x
Summary: Usopp comes back to the ship with Sanji in the form of the duck. Now Zoro and the others are just hoping they can find a way to change him back into their cook. Zosan secret valentine gift for Imperial Mint!


The thing was small, yellow, and had a tuft of feathers on its head that curled in an unusual, yet oddly familiar way.

"What the hell is that?" Zoro asked in confusion when Usopp presented the weird duck to them.

With a heavy sigh, the sharpshooter pulled the creature out from under his arm so that they could see it more clearly. "It's Sanji," He explained.

There was a chorus of confusion on the deck; questions flowed from nearly every mouth, the words piling over each other into an unidentifiable mush of talking. It hurt Zoro's ears, but Usopp only nodded solemnly as he seemed to be prepared to answer all of the questions he surely couldn't make sense of. The duck in his arms quacked softly.

"He was chasing after a woman," Usopp began to explain to the crew. "She was very beautiful, but I warned him that a beautiful face can bring about misfortune! Why once, back in my home town I remember a woman so fair that –"

"Usopp. No stories," Nami glared.

Usopp looked a little put out by her lack of enthusiasm for one of his stories, but he recovered relatively easily. Instead he began to tell the actual story of what happened to Sanji (although it was probably still slightly fabricated, as Zoro was sure Usopp hadn't fought off a sorcerer with a torch in one hand and duck-Sanji in the other).

The story (from what Zoro could discern through Usopp's additions) was classically typical of the shit-cook. He saw a pretty face and chased a skirt. Nothing out of the usual there. The trouble started when the woman refused his advances. Of course, if Sanji took 'no' for an answer he'd have stopped pestering Nami and Robin a long time ago. It seemed this particular woman, however, didn't have the same patience for the ero-cook that Nami and Robin had. She'd warned him to leave her be, threatened him if he would not, and then changed him into a duck for his troubles.

"A devil fruit power?" Robin asked curiously.

"I don't think so," Usopp shook his head. "She spoke in this weird language beforehand, and there was a lot a smoke when Sanji changed. I think it was witchcraft."

Chopper's eyes widened. "Witchcraft?"

"Yes," Usopp spoke gravely. "Dark magic. Probably irreversible."

Nami smacked him over the head. "Don't say that," She scolded.

"This would be the first instance of true witchcraft I've heard of, even on the Grand Line," Robin commented knowledgably.

Luffy seemed to find this all ridiculously funny. He bounded forward, bending down until he was eye level with the duck in Usopp's arms.

"Cool!" Luffy declared. "Where'd you get the duck, Usopp? Can I play with him?"

Zoro sighed. He needed a drink, and probably a nap too. He wasn't in the mood for this.

Usopp fixed Luffy with a disheartened stare. "Luffy, weren't you listening?"

"Listening to what? Come on, Usopp! Aren't you going to share?" Luffy frowned irritably.

Nami used this opportunity to step in. "Luffy, that duck is Sanji."

"Sanji?" Luffy tilted his head, looking at the duck in question before letting out a loud laugh. "Why is Sanji a duck? Is this a new game? Can I turn into an animal too?"

Nami's fist wasted no time in connecting with Luffy's head, effectively putting a stop to his rising excitement.

"Listen carefully, Luffy," Nami explained. "Do you know what ducks cannot do?" There was a moment in silence in which Luffy stared at her in confusion before she answered for him. "Cook. Ducks cannot cook. And if Sanji can't cook, there will be no meat."

"No meat?" Luffy asked, a look of horror spreading across his features.

"That's right," Nami nodded, a self-satisfied smile on her lips. "Not until we get Sanji changed back to normal."

And that was how Zoro found himself babysitting a curly duck, alone. After hearing that meat was on the line, Luffy led the charge to save Sanji. Usopp followed after, insisting only he knew what the woman looked like. Chopper chased after for the opportunity to see magic, and Robin followed behind out of curiosity. She'd never seen magic before. Nami left last, a wicked smile on her face as she instructed Zoro to look after Sanji and told them to get along.

Fortunately for Zoro, it didn't seem like the cook-duck was inclined to argue with him in his current state. With the ship quiet and crewless at the moment, Zoro set the duck down and leaned back against the mast, resting his head in his arms. It was good to enjoy a bit of quiet when he could. Life aboard the Merry was rarely quiet, especially with Luffy around. Luffy was often the catalyst for all the noise on the ship. He'd get Usopp and Chopper riled up, which made Nami shout, which made the love-cook swoon. Yes, peace and quiet was definitely rare and needed to be enjoyed.

Zoro watched lazily as the yellow duck explored the deck. Occasionally he would stop and peck his bill against the wooden planks futilely. He quacked softly as he went, testing out the size and shape of the deck he no longer recognized.

The quacking was constant but quiet, and Zoro found it almost soothing.

"You know, Shit-cook, I could get used to you being a duck. It's much quieter already," He chuckled.

The duck's head turned towards him when he spoke, but he didn't move any closer or indicate that he'd understood what Zoro had said at all. Sanji would have gotten fired up about the insult and probably would have threatened to kick Zoro's head in. The duck-cook simply turned away with a quack and continued his exploration of the ship.

Zoro sighed, reclining further back against the mast. This was boring already. He could always count on Sanji to keep him entertained, even if the only reward was a fight, but the duck didn't behave like the cook, and Zoro didn't know how else to keep busy while he waited for the others.

He hadn't intended to fall asleep, but the lazy cloud gazing made his lids heavy, and it was no time at all before Zoro was snoring soundly, lulled to sleep by the quiet quacking and soft afternoon breeze.

Zoro woke with a start. It was evening already, the sun's deep orange glow reflecting off the water and setting the world ablaze with warm light as it sank lower and lower in the sky. Judging by the peaceful silence, only broken by the soft lull of the waves as they broke against the Merry's hull, the others were still off witch hunting. Zoro yawned, wide enough for his jaw to crack, and wondered why he'd woken up for no reason.

The silence of the ship settled over him, feeling wrong and off to him somehow. Perhaps it was just that he was used to the crew's loud and rambunctious presence. But they were away right now, chasing after the woman that had changed the shit-cook, and they wouldn't—

Zoro bolted upright, scanning the deck with his eyes and straining his ears for the sound of the small duck's call. Nothing. No yellow curly feathers anywhere in sight either.

"Shit," Zoro muttered, standing quickly and hoping against hope that the new vantage would reveal the duck to him.

"Cook?" Zoro called, making his way across the deck. He'd left the gangplank in place for the others when they came back. He hadn't intended on falling asleep, and the horrible realization struck him that the cook-duck could have walked right off the ship while he was sleeping. What would Zoro do then?

Nami would raise his debt through the roof. He'd never pay her back, she'd own him. How would he become the world's greatest swordsman if he was Nami's slave? His dream would be ruined.

And Luffy would be so disappointed. Who would cook for him and feed him all the meat he wanted? Would they be able to find another cook? Zoro was sure they could, but would it really be the same? Usopp and Chopper would be devastated. They both liked Sanji. Even Nami and Robin liked Sanji. Hell…though he'd never admit it out loud, even Zoro would miss the shit cook a little bit.

Sanji was, at the very least, a good partner to train with. Their constant fighting was helpful to Zoro. Sanji's fighting style was entirely different from the sword fighting Zoro had trained to fight against. Zoro spent his whole life preparing for his battle against Mihawk, and though he still focused most of his time and energy into preparing for a sword duel, he'd learned a long time ago that they'd face more than just swordsmen as enemies. Sanji provided him with a different kind of opponent, one he needed to think outside of the box to defend against.

More than that, however, Sanji was _fun_ to fight with. Something about squaring off against the cook always managed to make Zoro's day. He doubted he'd ever find another opponent who would be able to do the same for him. Sanji was a rare exception, one Zoro would miss when it was gone.

"Cook!" Zoro called louder, standing at the edge of the gangplank and scanning the beach. He hoped the little duck hadn't left very long ago, maybe just before Zoro had woken up. If so, he was sure to still be close by.

Unfortunately, nothing yellow met his eye, and Zoro cursed. There were trees beyond the shoreline, and the town was somewhere beyond that. Looking for a small duck somewhere on the large island would be like looking for a needle in a haystack; an impossible task, but one Zoro was going to have to go through.

"Stupid love-cook," Zoro grumbled, making his way down the gangplank. He'd kick the bastard's ass when he was human again.

A quiet quacking interrupted Zoro's darkening thoughts. He whirled, expected to see the cook-duck standing on the deck behind him. He was just about eye level with the deck at this point, and it limited his view of most of the deck, but there was no little duck in sight.

Curiously, he took a few steps back up the gangplank. He could have sworn he—

_Quackquackquack._

Zoro froze, listening carefully to the call until it petered out and fell silent once more. Where was it coming from?

His instincts guided him better than his ears. The sound came from everywhere and nowhere all at once, but something itched in his mind to tell him to look down. He peered over the edge of the gangplank and into the inky water below.

The sun was setting in earnest now, the last few rays barely managing to escape the pull of the sea as it sank, casting long dark shadows and dimming the sky into a faded blue-green. Between the hull of the Merry and the shambled remains of the old docks they'd stopped her by, in a shadow nearly as dark as night, Zoro swore he could make out a small, floating figure. It bobbed with the small waves as they raced to shore, but it didn't seem to be moving otherwise. He couldn't be entirely sure the thing wasn't a discarded piece of rubbish that had washed ashore…but he needed to be sure.

Zoro opted to slowly make his way down the gangplank for a closer inspection. On the off chance the bobbing object was the duck, he didn't think diving into the water next to it was a good idea. The last thing he wanted to do was spook Sanji away.

Zoro's feet landed softly on the rotting wood of the old dock. The boards creaked tiredly beneath each step, but he tried to keep the sound as quiet as possible as he edged his way to the end of the dock. The quacking started again, sounding much closer than it had before and confirming Zoro's suspicions before he even looked over the edge.

The curled tuft of feathers was a dead giveaway, and Zoro sighed in relief.

"You shitty-duck," he growled.

The duck took notice of him, looking up and quacking in something that was either alarm or excitement, Zoro couldn't tell the difference. He didn't try to flee though, much to Zoro's relief. He laid himself along the damp, musty wood and reached carefully into the water with both hands. Duck-Sanji quacked quietly but made no move to escape Zoro's grasp as the marimo pulled him carefully from the water.

Zoro set him down, watching as the duck's feathers ruffled and puffed up before settling back against his small body. Zoro could almost imagine the Cook's voice telling him off for manhandling him, slinging insults and making threats on Zoro's life if he ever tried that again. The duck didn't seem bothered in the slightest though, and Zoro found himself almost missing the cook.

The duck cocked his head and preened a few misplaced feathers. _Good to see he's still picky about his appearance,_ Zoro thought.

Sometime during his rescue, the sun had finally sunk below the horizon. The dim twilight gave everything a kind of blueish tint as the last light of day quickly vanished altogether. It was already difficult to make out the sandy beach from the dock, and Zoro wondered what was keeping the others. Surely by now they would have found the woman responsible for making their cook into a duck. He'd expected them back in no time, especially when Luffy had heard that meat was on the line.

There was the possibility that she'd already fled the island. It wasn't like wandering travelers were uncommon on the Grand Line, she could have stopped at the island to resupply and set her log pose just as the Straw Hats had.

That would be bad news though. If she'd already left, they'd have a difficult time catching up to her. It was more likely they'd never see her again, and if that were the case, they'd be in a lot of trouble. Zoro shot a worried look to the small duck that was making its way down the dock, bored with cleaning itself and off to find something new to get into. What would they do without a cook?

They all had a little experience in cooking, enough to get them by. Usopp was probably the best cook among them, after Sanji, but his cooking was a far cry from the cook's in terms of flavor. Not only that, but Sanji was an experienced seaman, one that knew the importance of a proper diet during their long stretches over open water.

Zoro stood, following quietly behind the duck as it wandered closer to the beach. Then again, with no cook that meant no cigarette odor invading Zoro's senses when he was training or trying to meditate. No cook also meant no more being rudely awakened from his naps by a polished shoe to the head. And without the cook, there would be no more obnoxious crooning over the sea witch and Robin. _Ever again._

There was no elation in the thoughts though. For every pro to the cook's absence that Zoro could come up with, there was a con much worse. With no cook around there'd be no one to argue with. No cook meant no one to stand beside him in battle. Though he'd never ask for help, he'd gotten used to having Sanji nearby to keep an eye on the things Zoro couldn't.

Without Sanji around, Zoro would lose his closest friend.

Not that anyone looking at them would call Zoro and Sanji friends, but since the shitty cook had joined them, Zoro felt more and more drawn towards the man. Despite his low opinion of the cook in the beginning, Sanji had proven himself again and again to be someone worthy of respect and, over time, even a little of Zoro's admiration.

They still fought constantly, that would probably never change, but Zoro also felt a kind of closeness to Sanji he didn't feel with the others, a bond he shared with the cook and the cook alone. Losing Sanji wouldn't just be losing a cook to Zoro.

The small, curly duck lead them up the beach and to the edge of the surrounding woods. It was probably hungry, Zoro assumed, unless it had found something to eat in the time Zoro had been napping. What did ducks eat anyway? He watched the little duck trace along the tree line. Did ducks prefer to stay in the forest? Where did ducks usually sleep? Couldn't Sanji fly? Would he fly away?

Zoro didn't know the first thing about ducks. He hoped the others knew more than he did.

His hand smacked against his forehead loud enough to startle the cook-duck. It flinched at the sound and let out a slew of alarmed and irritated quacks as it moved further from Zoro. Zoro's realization left him frozen on the spot for a moment though.

What if the others had been turned into ducks as well? If the mystery woman had done it to Sanji, couldn't she also do it to the others? Would he find himself with an entire crew of ducks?

He needed to help. The need drove his feet forward, and Zoro paused only long enough to scoop the small duck off the ground and tuck him safely in the crook of his arm. Then with purposeful strides Zoro set off into the woods, making for the direction of the town. He wasn't going to let his crew turn into a bunch of ducks, and he was going to get his cook changed back into the chain smoking, perverted annoyance that he always was.

Zoro wasn't twenty paces into the woods before he ran flat out into something, hard, and ended up on his ass. The duck in his arms cried angrily against the mistreatment as his abrupt fall caused him to jostle the poor animal. Zoro cursed as he pulled himself up, wondering what exactly had caused this impact. It was dark in the woods now, but the moon made clear shadows of the trees, and Zoro was fairly certain he was doing a good job of avoiding them…

"God _dammit_, Marimo," A voice cursed from somewhere close by. "Who the hell goes running through the woods in the dark?"

Zoro froze, looking down at the small creature in his arms. It continued to quack irritably back at him, but made no other sound. Certainly not any sound that reminded Zoro so much of Sanji's voice.

"Are you listening to me, shitty moss?" A figure moved, the moon barely illuminating the dark clad shape as it rose from the ground. Not just the sound of a voice now, the shape of the figure was unbelievably familiar too.

Zoro was slow to get it though, and it wasn't until the familiar smokey odor reached his nose that the truth finally sank into Zoro's mind.

"Sanji?"

"Oh, good!" Sanji exclaimed, sarcasm dripping heavily from his every word. "I'm happy to know the plant matter infesting your brain hasn't yet affected your memory of me."

There was a recognizable _clink snick_ sound, and the flare of fire illuminated his feature as he lit himself a new cigarette. Zoro's eyes carefully mapped along his thin lips, straight nose, and up along the line of his curled eyebrow. It was definitely Sanji, there was no mistaking it now.

"Is that a duck?" Sanji asked, flicking his lighter closed and extinguishing the flame. "It's a little on the small side, it wouldn't even keep Usopp full for more than a few minutes. Where the hell did you get it?"

"I—" Zoro stammered, looking in confusion from Sanji to the duck. Both were very real and present, but how was that possible? "I thought that…that it was you," He finished lamely.

There was a long stretch of silence between them before Sanji broke it with a wave of laughter.

"You thought," The cook wheezed, attempting to breathe between fits of hysterics. "You thought I was a duck?"

Sanji's laughter was genuine and warm, and although it was aimed mockingly in Zoro's direction, the swordsman couldn't bring himself to care at the moment.

The poor duck flapped desperately on its descent towards the ground in an effort to soften its landing. It seemed to have decided it had had enough of the swordsman's rough handling, and it's quacking faded as to waddled away from the two pirates.

Zoro had dropped the duck without a second thought, arms reaching out to pull the cook closer. His body was real and solid in Zoro's arms as they came around him tightly.

"What are you doing?" Sanji asked, though his voice didn't sound nearly as offended as he meant it to.

Zoro really wondered the same thing and released him, clearing his throat and feeling awkward about his sudden behavior.

Surprisingly, Sanji let it pass without comment. "So," He paused, pulling a drag from his cigarette and exhaling a cloud of smoke. "What on earth made you think I had become a duck?"'

Zoro quickly filled him in on the events of Usopp's tale. As the story progressed, Sanji's eyebrow sank lower and lower until he was glaring with a look fit to kill.

"Usopp, that shitty little liar," Sanji hissed. "When I see him again I'll kick his shitty nose down to size."

"What happened?" Zoro asked curiously. "You're trying to tell me you weren't really chasing a skirt?"

Zoro's instincts were spot on as he could feel the displaced air just above his head, left behind in the wake of Sanji's kick.

"I was not _pursuing a lady_," Sanji corrected him. "Though she was quite beautiful."

Zoro rolled his eyes as Sanji swooned. No, he definitely wouldn't have missed _that_ about the cook.

"She was an herbologist," Sanji continued. "The smoke Usopp saw was a unique mixture she'd recently discovered, and the 'weird language' was just the names of some of the ingredients. I'd thought the stupid long-nose would have been interested, but when I turned around he was already gone."

"And the duck?" Zoro asked.

"Hell if I know where he got it," Sanji shrugged. "I followed the herbologist back to her shop, I've been there all day learning a little bit from her. It will probably benefit Usopp and Chopper a bit."

It was Zoro's turn to laugh. Somewhere on the island his nakama were on a wild goose chase, trying to find a witch (that didn't exist) so they could change their cook (who was just fine) back from a duck. Nami was going to be so angry.

It was near midnight before the crew returned, filthy, exhausted, and relieved to find dinner waiting for them and their cook at his usual place by the counter. Luffy was especially ecstatic about the large pile of meat in the middle of the table and very quickly put the whole day's wasted search behind him.

The others weren't quite so easily satisfied and demanded to know what had happened and how Sanji had come back from being a duck. At the end of Sanji's version of events each crewmember had a very different reaction. Robin sighed, seeming content to know the "magic" hadn't been real after all. Nami hit Usopp hard enough to leave a decent lump before turning to her meal and taking her remaining aggressions out on her food. Their sniper remained reserved for the rest of dinner. Chopper seemed to forget about their wasted day just as easily as Luffy had when Sanji mentioned that he'd learned a few medical mixes and techniques.

The sounds of his nakama's usual behavior put Zoro at ease, and he reclined back into his chair with his eyes closed, listening to them and letting the familiar sounds of Luffy's thieving, Nami's threatening, and Sanji's swooning relax him.

The scent of smoke preceded the tap of a shoe against his head.

"No sleeping at the dinner table, shitty marimo," Sanji scolded.

"Yeah, yeah," Zoro sighed, shoving the cook's foot away from his head. Despite the fact that it was Sanji's most irritating behavior though, Zoro couldn't help but smile as he returned to his meal, glad to have the shitty cook back.


End file.
